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Down in My Brain's Heart

by Kirk Windsor

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1.
Birds are singing outside Loud, rushing, high Sailing down the sunbeams And up over the sky Close the windows Still the air Heat is rising outside Smoke drifting by Settles in the cracks now To waft over time Close the windows Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Mellow, warm inside Peaceful eye of sickness And ash circling tight Close the windows Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air Still the air
2.
I live a lie in this scene Grab it all Peace and plaything In this room, waiting Until I tap my old spring Where I've never been Where I'll make home again Where I'll find my new way Walk in new Brush and pathways Trail the crud of past days Where I'll sleep among leaves Bend boughs in trees In the sheep valleys I kick the air and scatter beads Bend the light of everything Where I live a lie Chase down your light Whenever you make it outside
3.
The Lake 03:23
Slow tumbling down Long to get under Shake it off At the wood's end Who's swimming around Who's hiding down there Water above Like a blanket Sun up above Like the sun
4.
Out through your windowpane You see the branches shake again While blue birds are flying away And brown leaves fall until they fill your frame Down by the kitchen side Your family stirs and prods the fire While small in the oven rises That which keeps you warm in Your little town Between the lake and trees Town Between the lake and trees The still world awakes You still dream Patient, serene Out of sync Till you turn Around and round again Round and round, round again All through the station square You see the people posted there Who peel off the road before The hills and exit signs obscure there All through your windowpane You see the fences change again While brown fields are trailing away And blue sky fills your frame in Your little town Between the lake and trees Town Between the lake and trees
5.
Trees 02:25
My I am so I The night outside needs no reply Where do I go from here My I am so I The night outside needs no reply Where do I go from here I could see
6.
Toxic Zombie 03:47
7.
2020 07:56
Get up get up Time to leave your work so dear You've been called to celebrate For one more time this year To join the noise in the now crowded streets Away from your quiet lane that feels honest at least Far from your room With your curtain to the sun And pictures on every wall Yourself in every one And you're the only one out here with open eyes To the city hollowness you worked so hard to realize No one's waiting To hand you your reward Your time and money Is spent before you give the word You know these trains Know these lines of open doors And each stop means only what It meant to you before You paid your way to your shade from withering lights Let your smile fade away and slept peaceful at night No wind is threatening To shake you out again No agitation No callous on your skin Everyone's high Every line of thought is brief And when midnight's come and gone You feel a small relief You only think of the path you have to clear And the terms that you fulfill don't mean anything here There's no one here Who could sing to ease your mind Cause when you start to sing along You start to feel like a lie And all you have is the contract that you keep That makes you dream of other lives but mostly feel like sleep Too old to hang in These temporary rooms Your new year's coming And it won't wait for you
8.
Most of my friends get high too much Or drunk or cocooned in, or something like that Or they lose themselves in work that doesn't matter Or they hide behind someone who just stops their feeling bad I don't think they know what they do it for I don't think they know where they're headed towards But when the day is done and when the night falls There's no danger cause the world is small Most of the time I see the struggle Invisible to people who ignore the shining light Try to deny the stones tied to their ankles Or try to deconstruct them until they go blind They don't want to feel that everyday And nobody taught them how to lift that weight But when they're at home safe in their dens A weight like that they won't even sense I'm living on the road again Don't know where it leads or to what end North then south, east the west I can't tell retreat from progress And I see decay all around Or I don't know the look of solid ground Though I have no one to love, no place I want to stay The light above compels me on my way
9.
World of Ego 04:38
I've been living long it this world of ego I've been calling for the devil but he don't send no reply I guess he knows that I just don't belong here I guess he knows I'm just not worth his time I've been working hard to sell my evil I can't make it profit no matter how I try I'm feeling like I wasn't meant to live here But I won't get a way out till I die Once when I was young I dreamed of one above He showed me stars he held loose in his hand "Choose" he said, "You can have a home forever" And I did but didn't understand Pictures light up and crowd around my vision I see a smiling face and clothes that sparkle and shine I figure that he knows just where he's going I must think that his soul is satisfied He lays down to bed Love by his side And not a doubt or fear in his mind Hears his voice echo out forever And knows the world is kind Maybe I could turn my ways around here Make my heart open to my suffering kind But I don't know if I'd make it that way either I don't know if I really want to try I've been living long in this world of ego I've been calling for the devil but he don't send no reply I guess he knows that I just don't belong here I guess he knows I'm just not worth his time

about

Kirk's Commentary:

Mostly written before the pandemic but mostly recorded during it. After the more extraverted feeling of August Friday I wanted to return to the more subliminal vibe of my earliest recordings, but with more expansive arrangements and a deliberate flow between the songs.

credits

released November 27, 2020

All vocals and instrumentation, recording, and mixing by Kirk Windsor

Mastering by Nick Zampiello

Cover photo by Kyle Cuneo

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Kirk Windsor Brooklyn, New York

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